So I get back upstairs and the little sod had fallen back asleep again.  I know this because he jumped up and gave me a big "I wasn't asleep, no I've been awake doing this speech" smile....PLEASE!!  Anyway he read his draft copy of the speech to me which I must say is pretty good, maybe a few cheesy bits in, but then you have to do that I guess, especially as we hardly know any of the people here so you can't be too rude or cheeky.  It's good though, I think he'll get a few laughs.

So I'm driving Morpheus and Carl to the Abbey today which is ok but I have to take flats with me as there's no friggin way I can drive in my Jennifer Lopez strappy shoes, which by the way look fabulous...  In fact if I was honest my whole outfit looks fabulous, Morpheus thinks it's diabolical that I'm going to wear a brown leather skirt with OPEN toed sandals in a church...bite me, it's 2000, anything goes these days!!

2:30pm
So myself, Carl and Morpheus are at the Abbey which is completely empty, even the vicar hasn't shown yet.  But hey come on it's Carl's day, if he wants to get here before the birds then fine.....whatever.  They both look absolutely divine in their $2000 Armani suits, good for them.  Actually though Morpheus' shoes are looking a bit tatty, he should of used the shoe polish that all hotel rooms supply which I love to steal, that's probably why he couldn't, I think I've schnaffled it already...ha!  I make the pub opposite open up (not sure why it isn't anyway) so that I could use the loo, but he says no to a drink....bleedin welsh people!!

3:10pm
Ok everyone's in the church and here she is.....oh my god she looks absolutely stunning, she also looks real nervous.  So I'm trying to grab the bottom of her dress so that it doesn't fall on the floor and get dirty BEFORE she gets inside.  However the photographer (huge jolly nice lady) wants a pic of Sumiko and her dad leaning against the white Daimler with me NOT in the shot which is pretty hard to do considering I have to hold the hem of her dress.  We manage though!!

So I'm walking behind her in the church which is very nerve racking and not enjoyable whatsoever, in fact I feel like a bit of a dick, OR the hunch back of Notre Dame all bent over trailing behind Sumiko like some strange doubled up old bag lady, but with fabulous shoes....Anyway we make it to the front without me OR anyone else hurling over the train of her dress.  I see Morpheus who looks very proper and stiff in his cool suit with a solemn "I'm concentrating" look on his face.

20 minutes later.....
I thought I was going to keel over in my fab high shoes standing for that length of time in one spot, but we get through it and follow behind Carl and Sumiko plus all parents.  The sunshine is out and everything is beautiful and green.  The photographer gets set to work and the rest of us stand around smoking on the Abbey lawns, well Lucy does, I at least have to wait until I have a drink in my hand, which really needs to happen quite soon.

Back at the Manor House and there's even more photographs taken, literally Carl and Sumiko have been at it now for the past 3 hours....not fun, I'm sure they'd like to take the weight off there feet and have a little drinkie.
 There's a great shot taken where all the guys are holding Sumiko length wise like in the old movies, its looks brilliant so we all run outside to take shots as well, until finally the guys keel over.  There's also a really cool statue in the gardens of a big guy lying down, but leaning on one arm.  Anyway he's naked so all the girls have to stand and sit around this statue and look at his dick with a big gleam in ours eyes...really cheesy but a laugh.  I must say I've seen bigger.

Sn by now myself, Morpheus (well actually he's running around like a little ferret) Lucy, Grant, Tiz and Jane are sat in the lounge downing wine and smoking like chimneys, which as you know is the required thing to do at weddings, which is get all smoky and pissed BEFORE you sit down and eat.

I greet Sumiko's parents in Japanese at the line up entrance to the dining room.  I'm definitely pleased that I said Congratulations to them in Japanese but the whole bowing thing got me confused. Who stops first? how many bows are you supposed to do?  Jesus I felt like one of those stupid nodding dogs in the back of car windows, up and down, up and down.....yada yada yada!!

Anyway the food was delicious even though I wasn't really that hungry, I think I was feeling nervous for Morpheus, who I felt soo sorry for as he was on the top table next to Carl's dad, who is a blast but come on, he would of much rather been at our fun table, which indeed it was, in fact our table was the noisiest one in the room....yeah that's how we like it.

OK so his speech is perfect, although I was driving Grant nuts because I was saying the words before Morpheus did (well I've heard it 5 times over), but everyone was laughing and smiling, he was also doing a great floor show, prancing about, god he's so vain that boy.  I was very proud...he did good.

So then there was the saki toasting, all 72 litres of the stuff in a huge custom made barrel that had been flown over from Japan specially.  I'd forgotten exactly how gross saki is until I swigged back a wooden cup full of the stuff and then proceeded to pull a bad face and nearly spit the contents of my gob out onto the table.  This of course offended Morpheus completely as he scowled at me from the top table....ok, sorry!!

Not exactly sure what happened from then on as I got completely wasted.  I do remember the disco in the other room with a local funky band playing old Abba hits...perfect wedding stuff.  Don't think I danced, probably just sat there and laughed at everybody else, that's my usual trick at these events.  In fact yes I remember sitting there with my good drinking partner Lucy and get wasted with her...we're so bad.

Later on I was looking for Morpheus and thought he'd gone to bed and fallen asleep because I couldn't get into the hotel room, then someone told me they'd seen him in the pool room, what fucking pool room?  So I was led by a kind hand down a corridor and entered upon a bunch of guys (including my hubby) all drinking beer and playing pool....cool!  So I interrupted the testosterone party, shortly followed by Lucy (thank god) and proceeded to play pool.  This didn't last long as I was stopped when I try to to put a ball down a corner hole but nearly shredded the table cloth instead.....oh well!!

Great day though....congratulations the happy couple, well done!!