Also if I don't do it right then I'm going to be tvless this evening, Morpheus has to work late to catch up and so I'll just have to sit and read and miss all my groovy Thursday night tv...fuck, wank, shite. I'd go and see "Snatch" but I think that might upset him a bit.
I also feel pretty crappy today so after this page I'm going upstairs to workout A BIT, and then hit the steam room to see if I can clear my chest.
I was supposed to have a business lunch with my mate Tracy today but she hasn't called and I don't want to bug her as I know she's busy this week. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I hate days like today when nothing works out like you want them to, it really pisses me off. Also Morpheus is massively grumpy probably because I keep calling him every 5 minutes with questions about the Tivo. You know fuck it, I'm off upstairs, see if I can use up some of this anger towards getting this fat stomach into better shape.
Christ listen to me moan moan moan like an old woman.
I promise I'll be happier later, until then my squeaky little frogs adieu.....
Oh yeah here's something that Miss Kensington sent me that is rather amusing. For those people who know me well, will know which alcohol is me.
____________________________________
Seven bartenders were asked if they could identify personality on
what drinks were chosen. Though interviewed separately, they concurred
on
almost all counts. The results:
IF WOMEN DRINK
Drink : Beer
Personality : Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach : Challenge her to a game of pool.
(cricket, me, all lesbians from Barrow Pub, Jill
Hancock, Janet)
Drink : Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality : Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach : Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
( Kajagoogoo, Cardillo, Morpheus, Kiwi, Buddy
Weiser, Bridget, Chesty Bush, Nick Dyer, Plate Head, my dad)
Drink : Mixed drinks - no umbrellas
Personality : Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach : If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
(monkey gibbon, Marla, me, crazy cuban cow, Buddy
Weiser, colleen)
Drink : Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality : Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach : Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
(me and more me, cricket, marla, Miss Kensington,
Colleen, Ty [pre Olivia], BITCH, my mum, Mary Anne,Aprhodite, Kajagoogoo,
Hermes, everyone I know in the world)
Drink : Barcardi Breezer/Hooch
Personality : Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated,
actually has absolutely no clue.
Approach : Make her feel smarter than she is...and you're in.
(no one I know, oh hold on Niki Beaton-Jones,
most definitely, crazy cuban cow)
Drink : Baileys
Personality : Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach : Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
(Mottershead, me, Claire BIG TITS Bennett, tarts
on tv commercials)
Drink : Shorts (Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality : Hanging with male pals or looking to get drunk...and
naked.
Approach : Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.
(cricket, me, Marla, every woman from Manchester,
UK, Ayla, Kate, Aphrodite)
I want to include Candy in the above but she's
not drinking at the moment
HOWEVER, if she was
she'd been on all the above!!
IF MEN DRINK
(As always, very simple and clear cut.)
Cider : He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid (I think that was the first guy I lost my virginity to)
Cheap Domestic Beer : He's poor/student and wants to get laid (boys in the Barrow Pub and Didsbury Rugby club)
Premium Local Beer : He likes good beer and wants to get laid. (as above)
Bitter : He's old, he likes good beer and wants to get laid. (Paddy, Plate Head, Cardillo, Bridget [not you honey, it's a guy])
Imported Beer : He likes expensive beer and wants to get laid (Ed Needham)
Guinness : The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another. (Irish and inbred people from Bollington in England)
Wine : He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid (gay men who think they're straight)
Vodka & Brandy : Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid. (all our past playwrights, especially the latest and oh yeah Hermes)
Port : Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid (Morpheus)
Whisky : He doesn't give two shits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid. (me and all the women I know, especially Miss Kensington)
Jack Daniels : Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid. (Morpheus)
Tequila : Piss off you wankers, I'm gonna go shag something with a pulse (dirty dog in a field, Andrew the Jock)
Barcardi Breezer/Hooch : He's gay (Blatantly) (way
too many to type)