So what I generally try and do is blag my way into the best seat possible.
Now remember the ticket for today's flight was booked as an aisle seat which is great, but once at the airport I ask the check-in desk woman to try and get me a bulkhead seat, you know loads of leg room?
Ok so first of all she said that she hadn't got the request for aisle and that she'd already put me in a CENTRE seat....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??
Well I didn't say that, I just teetered a bit on my feet and let out some sort of gasp, then kind of, in my nicest way, DEMANDED an aisle seat as otherwise I would seriously make people's lives totally miserable on this flight. She did, she got me an aisle seat and told me to ask at the gate for a bulk head seat, but what made me laugh was that the flight was half empty, so why initially put me in the middle anyway? It's so fucking annoying when they do that, I mean who in their right mind would want to seat between TWO TOTAL STRANGERS? Hello?
So at the gate I asked the guy if there was a bulk head seat, AND another gentlemen asked someone else if there was an aisle seat, so basically after a 20 minute wait, I got my aisle AND bulkhead and the other guy got my original aisle seat, so there you go EVERYONE was happy, especially me.
Of course my lovely comfy seat was soon disrupted by two Hasidic Jews getting on board with like 7 fucking children who NEVER stopped screaming, whining and just plainly going on with themselves all the way to London. Oh god it was a nightmare, I wouldn't mind but at one point one of the kids wanted to be near his mum, so she's feeding the tiny baby, so she puts this little one at her feet, ON THE FLOOR, jesus the air hostess (yeah not p.c. who gives a shit) went ballistic, and just stood there waiting for her to move him. Trouble was the mother was breast feeding, so it was awkward for her to move, plus the husband was praying, so even when the air hostess was saying "excuse me sir, EXCUSE ME SIR" he just fucking ignored her, because he was in deep prayer.
Oh god it was mental, this air hostess was going nuts, the poor mother was trying to explain to her that she needed to wait for the husband to finish his prayers so that he could deal with the matter, but clearly the air hostess thought this was total crap and wanted the kid up and off the floor RIGHT NOW.
Then a couple more air hostesses/stewards came over, so eventually they all just grabbed the kid themselves and put him in his rightful seat behind them, much to the shock and dismay of the mother, so you can imagine by this time it was just insane. At first it seemed like something from a Monty Python sketch, but I felt for the mother, she was in a real quandary you know?
Actually they're little girl took a real shine to me and watched what I ate, what I was reading, she just kept staring and so when I looked over and smiled, she'd hide behind her hands, she was a sweet little girl. God though when we were landing the kids wanted to see out of the window, so all their seat belts were off and they were all cramming to look outside the window, it was so dangerous for them to do that, and I kept trying to get the mother's attention, but she just couldn't or didn't want to hear me, so what can you do?
So I got to the hotel around 10:30 where my lovely Morpheus had ordered up a lovely Bento Box from Nobu, and turkey club sandwich, some fabulously delicious mushrooms in a salad with poached egg and an excellent bottle of wine.
He's so good like that. So we caught up, ate, watched a bit of fab English tv and passed out.
It was good to be back on British soil.